To be, or not to be: that is the question: *BLAM*
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer *BLAM*
The slings and arrows of SHIT! Out of AMMO!,
Or to take arms against a sea of zombies,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand zombie hordes
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; *BLAM*
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When they still shuffle through this mortal coil,
They give no pause: there's no respect
That makes calamity of so long life; *BLAM*
For why continue with this song of pain,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? and zombies' kiss.
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
Only zombies return, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of? *BLAM*
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the foul stench of rot,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy garrisons
Be all my limbs dismember'd.

Tags: humor, poetry

But Soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east and...SHIT! ZOMBIES!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the zombie hordes,
who are already sick and pale with grief.
That thou her maid art far more keen of shot:
Be not, her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.


Nah... that one isn't going anywhere.... but this one is;

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these zombies did appear.
And this awful viral strain,
No more yielding than a brain
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the zombie's moan,
We will make amends alone;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your brains, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
--A MidSummer's Night's dream, William Shakespeare

Tags: humor, poetry-filks

Tags: humor

Subject: Bush visits primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? "

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have 6 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And
sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

Tags: humor, politics